Alternate ending.

She woke up to the beckoning night,
restless,
sweating,
thinking of what could have been,
what might have been,
what should have been,
had she chosen another fate.
A force to be reckoned with
in her youth,
a promise of world travels,
a career ripe for envy.
Her chest swelling now,
slowly filling with regret and heartbreak now.
Reality pulled her back in.
2AM on the clock,
as helpless cries,
voices start to call for her name
from the other room.
Her reality.
Bittersweet reality.
Wanting.
Waiting.
Impatient.
Greedy.
Always.
Pay attention.
Give me love.
She cradles their fragile bodies,
soothing them with tender touches.
The loves of her life,
always at their beck and call.
Their faces ever so slightly mirror hers,
but mostly like the man
who left them behind.

Mr. Snow White & the cat-haters.

My neighbors hate cats with a passion. They hate them so much that they pour boiling water over the poor little things to make them go away. You know, you could just stop throwing leftovers in your backyard garbage can. That’d do the trick. You could do better things than wait around for that water to boil with the full intention of inflicting pain on a helpless animal. If you actually relished the idea, then that’s a whole new level of premeditated sh*t and you’re actually worse than I thought. Take a look at my dad. He loves animals. He’s like a male Snow White! He even talks to the newly hatched birds on our front porch. Bless him.

Happy Father’s day to all the dads out there!

Smiles and sighs.

Smiles and sighs,
her chin up high,
she never lets them see her crack.
She had the world,
her stories unfold
with not much left
to keep to herself.
Her little secrets,
her many faults,
were like fodder
to the unfulfilled souls around her,
hovering, always haunting,
her every sweet dream
cheapened by their malice.
She came too close,
she ran too fast.
Now, her chest is heaving,
and regret is starting
to make its way up her throat.
Oh, little girl.
My dear, sweet little girl.
You trusted them too soon.
They come to you
all smiles and sighs,
hands extended forward,
palms wide open,
ever so inviting.
All you ever wanted
was their approval.
All you ever wanted
was a friend.
Here they are,
backs towards you,
plotting your bitter end.

Loss and Grief.

Life is finite. We all want to leave a mark in this world before our time ends. We all want to be remembered for selfish reasons, usually. But what we fail to fathom is how deep a wound we inflict on the ones we leave behind.

The thought of other people out there who are at the mercy of losing someone who mattered to them and the grief that that loss inflicts makes one think of how unfair life can be, and how beautiful a story it can tell.

As we celebrate the lives well-lived of all the loved ones that passed, we should do well to remember that losing them does not define our present, or our future.

The bitter-sweetness of loss is yet another flavor this life will offer – one we can sink our teeth into.

Soul mates.

I no longer believed in the idea of soul mates,
or love at first sight.
But I was beginning to believe that a very few times in your life,
if you were lucky,
you might meet someone who was exactly right for you.
Not because he was perfect,
or because you were,
but because your combined flaws
were arranged in a way that allowed two separate beings
to hinge together.

― Lisa Kleypas

Now playing: Ain’t got no – I got life.

I ain’t got no home, ain’t got no shoes
Ain’t got no money, ain’t got no class
Ain’t got no skirts, ain’t got no sweater
Ain’t got no perfume, ain’t got no bed
Ain’t got no mind

Ain’t got no mother, ain’t got no culture
Ain’t got no friends, ain’t got no schooling
Ain’t got no love, ain’t got no name
Ain’t got no ticket, ain’t got no token
Ain’t got no God

And what have I got?
Why am I alive anyway?
Yeah, what have I got
Nobody can take away?

Got my hair, got my head
Got my brains, got my ears
Got my eyes, got my nose
Got my mouth, I got my smile
I got my tongue, got my chin
Got my neck, got my boobs
Got my heart, got my soul
Got my back, I got my sex

I got my arms, got my hands
Got my fingers, got my legs
Got my feet, got my toes
Got my liver, got my blood

I’ve got life, I’ve got my freedom
I’ve got the life

I’ve got the life
And I’m gonna keep it
I’ve got the life
And nobody’s gonna take it away
I’ve got the life

Now playing: Mr. Tambourine Man.

Hey! Mr Tambourine Man, play a song for me
I’m not sleepy and there is no place I’m going to
Hey! Mr Tambourine Man, play a song for me
In the jingle jangle morning I’ll come following you.
Though I know that evening’s empire has returned into sand
Vanished from my hand
Left me blindly here to stand but still not sleeping
My weariness amazes me, I’m branded on my feet
I have no one to meet
And the ancient empty street’s too dead for dreaming.

Hey! Mr Tambourine Man, play a song for me
I’m not sleepy and there is no place I’m going to
Hey! Mr Tambourine Man, play a song for me
In the jingle jangle morning I’ll come following you.

Take me on a trip upon your magic swirling ship
My senses have been stripped, my hands can’t feel to grip
My toes too numb to step, wait only for my boot heels
To be wandering
I’m ready to go anywhere, I’m ready for to fade
Into my own parade, cast your dancing spell my way
I promise to go under it.

Hey! Mr Tambourine Man, play a song for me
I’m not sleepy and there is no place I’m going to
Hey! Mr Tambourine Man, play a song for me
In the jingle jangle morning I’ll come following you.

Though you might hear laughing, spinning, swinging madly across the sun
It’s not aimed at anyone, it’s just escaping, on the run
And but for the sky there are no fences facing
And if you hear vague traces of skipping reels of rhyme
To your tambourine in time, it’s just a ragged clown behind
I wouldn’t pay it any mind, it’s just a shadow you’re
Seeing that he’s chasing.

Hey! Mr Tambourine Man, play a song for me
I’m not sleepy and there is no place I’m going to
Hey! Mr Tambourine Man, play a song for me
In the jingle jangle morning I’ll come following you.

Then take me disappearing through the smoke rings of my mind
Down the foggy ruins of time, far past the frozen leaves
The haunted, frightened trees, out to the windy beach
Far from the twisted reach of crazy sorrow
Yes, to dance beneath the diamond sky with one hand waving free
Silhouetted by the sea, circled by the circus sands
With all memory and fate driven deep beneath the waves
Let me forget about today until tomorrow.

Hey! Mr Tambourine Man, play a song for me
I’m not sleepy and there is no place I’m going to
Hey! Mr Tambourine Man, play a song for me
In the jingle jangle morning I’ll come following you.

From Frida Kahlo, with love.

Leaving is not enough; you must
stay gone. Train your heart
like a dog. Change the locks
even on the house he’s never
visited. You lucky, lucky girl.
You have an apartment
just your size. A bathtub
full of tea. A heart the size
of Arizona, but not nearly
so arid. Don’t wish away
your cracked past, your
crooked toes, your problems
are papier mache puppets
you made or bought because the vendor
at the market was so compelling you just
had to have them. You had to have him.
And you did. And now you pull down
the bridge between your houses.
You make him call before
he visits. You take a lover
for granted, you take
a lover who looks at you
like maybe you are magic. Make
the first bottle you consume
in this place a relic. Place it
on whatever altar you fashion
with a knife and five cranberries.
Don’t lose too much weight.
Stupid girls are always trying
to disappear as revenge. And you
are not stupid. You loved a man
with more hands than a parade
of beggars, and here you stand. Heart
like a four-poster bed. Heart like a canvas.
Heart leaking something so strong
they can smell it in the street.

– Marty McConnell

About a boy.

There was once a boy
who thawed my heart;
traveled to worlds I can only dream about;
and spoke words like those in poetry and song.
There was once a boy
who towered over mountains
and cast shadows all around.
He rendered me speechless with his eyes.
He made me open up to his light.
He could do anything in the world
except love me back.