Lessons Not Learned.

Your eyes

spoke a language

that had been dead long ago.

Maybe it was to warn me

that your love

was as ephemeral

as the words

that left your lips.

That the space

you occupied

equated to

the velvet blackness

of a brand of forever

that I will never know.

Yet,

I stayed

with reckless abandon –

long enough to discover

that my heart

broke easier

than the promises

you couldn’t keep.

Each time

I ignored the storm

in my gut,

heartbreak became the lover

I was left in bed with.

With every shattering sound,

my fuse got shorter.

Anger,

frustration,

confusion

built up within.

The rage flowed

from my veins

into my soul.

But each time

you reached for me,

there was release.

There was relief.

There was the hope

that you finally saw

how good we had it.

Now,

I struggle

to burn the bridge

you built with steady hands.

How did we get here?

How could you forget?

You riled me up,

just so you could

bring me down.

Was it all a game?

Was it all just for show?

Had I become the trophy

left behind

to collect dust

in one corner

of your wretched mind?

Dear lover,

you left me hanging.

But, darling,

I’m still yours.

Rest Easy.

You are made up 

of big dreams 

and beautifully speckled stardust.

Let them know 

that you’re a house 

that refuses to burn; 

like old photographs 

and a bygone love, 

haunting 

and comforting 

all the same.

Let the turmoil 

inside you settle.

Let a long warm bath 

wash away all traces 

of his hands.

Let the remnants 

of his kisses 

and broken promises 

pool into the drain.

You are more

than what you settled for.

Let this be a reminder

of your worth.

Love, you will grow;

you will fly.

For now,

tuck yourself in the bed

you made this morning.

Fall asleep knowing 

the morrow will bring light.

Rest easy, my darling.

Rest easy, good night.

Tell Me How.

I struggle with the idea of us –

Our could-have-beens and what-ifs.

Tell me the right words to say

That equate to how I make you feel

Each time I kiss your shoulder,

In the times I tuck away

Each strand of rebellious hair.

Tell me how to love you 

So you can finally forget 

How alone this world makes you feel;

How life has seemingly abandoned you.

Tell me how.

Tell me how.

Always.

You were someone

I wanted to keep for myself –

the boy I wanted to save

from the loneliness.

But you saved me

from my demons instead.

You showed me my humanness 

by stripping me down

to the self

I haven’t been in a while –

the part of me

that wanted to give

with only your smile in return.

Look at us now.
You no longer call.

I no longer visit.

Even as I write these words,

I still cannot bring myself

to believe 

that we were

two lost souls

fated only to meet,

but never to call

each other home.

For now,

let’s set up camp

in the spaces of our hearts

made bigger

by the butterflies

we gave each other

the nights before, 

made stronger 

by our soft-spoken secrets.

I will love you for a while 

before I will be willing 

to let go.

Count on me 

when I say that you 

have a place in my life.

Always.